Where Is God* Taking Me THIS Time?

(*In case you’re new here…feel free, when reading this post, to replace the word God with whatever you use for the ultimate: Reality, Buddha-nature, Brahman, etc. I see Deepest Reality to be utterly mysterious, beyond the ability to be nailed down with a single word, even as I believe that this Reality, in some unfathomable way, seeks to connect with us.)
 
One of the countercultural aspects of my life with God is how much it requires living in response—to God’s urging, to other beings, to circumstances. In this kind of responsiveness, things come into my life and I ask questions of them. What is this for? What could it mean? What is it saying about what I should do next? Then I try to listen for answers.

That’s not the way many of us Americans, in particular, approach life. We take charge, buckle down, identify problems, set a course, make plans, take action. There’s nothing wrong with any of those steps; in fact, they’re often part of living in response too. But when you live in response, the starting point is different: not your own dreams and desires, but the dreams of the deepest reality in the universe.

If you start there, anything you do is likely to bear fruit. Even if it doesn’t look like fruit to you.

I’m living through one of those periods now. Late last December, I felt a deep inner nudge to write rensakus—strings of haikus connected by a common theme, message, or image. I began to write these rensakus during my prayer time, as a sort of prayer itself, alongside the usual essays that have made up most of my creative writing for the past eight years.

Then, very late in May, the bottom fell out of my essay writing. I couldn’t string together two paragraphs to save my life. I’m still not back to the essays, and it’s July. Living in response to this requires me to ask those above-mentioned questions: What is this for? What could it mean? Where is God in this?

Eventually, during our monthly meeting, my spiritual director noted the only time I exhibited any energy was when I talked about rensakus. We wondered whether I was being nudged to focus all my writing on these poems.

So that’s what I’m doing, in response to a couple of nudges that I believe (hope, think) to be from God. These will not bear fruit in the sense of wealth or fame or any of the usual trappings of American-style success. They do seem to fill a deep yearning in my deepest self. Perhaps a few readers will find joy in them too. That could be enough.

Does this sound like anything you’ve experienced? I’d love to hear your stories. Feel free to share them in the comments here.