Healing from Hurts Caused by Organized Religion

Last time, in my “Christmas letter,” I asked y’all what you’d like me to write about in 2026. Some great answers came up, and I’ve added them to the original post. One in particular stood out to me: “How to heal from hurts caused by organized religion.”

My first thought: no way am I qualified to write that. It’s a field all its own.

Except that I’m one of bajillions who have these hurts. So the following represents one rank amateur’s personal opinion, with a bit of experience from my spiritual direction practice thrown in. Let’s see where this goes. (Many thanks to Becky for suggesting this, and to Michelle, who’s studied religious trauma, for reviewing it.)

That word healing. What does it mean to you? I think it gets said sometimes as “going back to normal, the way I was before the hurt,” or maybe “laying the hurt down, never thinking of it again, moving on.” I’m just not sure that ever happens. Most of what happens to us—especially the big stuff—changes us. We can learn to embrace that change, to manage the effects, to live our new life into the future, and all of that can be deeply satisfying, even joyful.

It’s also a good bet that the hurt will come up again from time to time throughout your life. The hope is that each time, the pain is a bit less, your tools for managing it a bit better honed, and you’ve seen how working with the hurt yields wisdom. All of that can help take the sting out of that lifelong work.

What do you want from here, religion- or spirit-wise? This is where you get to listen to your deepest self. It’s worth getting silent, turning your attention inward, waiting to see what might come up. No answer is wrong (though you may want to wait a bit before acting too quickly on some of them).

That’s one way to answer the question. Sometimes, though, the answer just appears out of nowhere. During my spiritual direction training, I reached a point of overwhelm with all the complexities that had been stuffed into my head: fumbling through Jung, facing our shadow sides, exploring the nature of evil, hanging in with intense conversations. I took a walk through a panoply of fall leaves and my deepest self started screaming at me: can we PLEASE just do the simplest, most brain-clearing, most straightforward practice ever invented? Like go somewhere and just SIT?

And so my Zen practice was born. Ten-plus years later, I can’t imagine living without it. As a companion to my Christian mystical tendencies, it’s brought me joy, clarity, and equanimity I’d never imagined. And it offers a calm alternative to my judgy inner critic, still fueled by my long-ago Christian fundamentalist days.

Where can I get help? Thank goodness, the universe includes plenty of warm and supportive people eager to lend a hand. Therapists can help you work through the hurt. Spiritual directors (also known as spiritual companions) listen with you to discover where spirit—an authentic, loving, real presence—might be lurking in your life to help it bear fruit. Support groups bring together people who know the pain firsthand.

Because this is such a huge topic, I’d love to hear from anyone who cares to take it up. Questions, disagreements, alternative points of view, etc., would be most welcome here.